Thursday, September 18, 2008

Country Livin'

This morning during piano, Toccata was interrupted by Mitchell screaming, "Mom!! Come outside quick!  Lucky's eating a baby chipmunk and it's still alive!!" Let me guess...Nick's gone. Has he EVER been here for trauma?  Reluctantly, I stand to go investigate--feeling powerless to find the nerves it'll take to put a bloody pup out of it's misery.  "See.. it's right under this grass." Sure enough. Poor tiny, wet body.  Oh my gosh, I think... it must have been just born--it's so little and still wet. 

But, I can barely get my wits about me, cause poor Natalie's having a near-impossible time holding Cujo back by her collar.  "Mom, help me!! I can't hold onto her any longer!"  I tell Mitchell to run quick and get me a paper towel so I can pick the thing up...but I realize there's no time--the dog's coming unglued and running straight for me.  Squeamishly (I know I said I wasn't) I quickly rifle through the tangled grass and try to pry the scared little thing from it's makeshift burrow.  You can handle this, I tell myself, remember it's just a little tiny baby and it needs your help.  Gently, I free it and lift it closer to get a better look.  Wait a minute.  Look at the tail...chipmunks don't have long tails!  Sick!  It's a slick, mauled mouse, quivering in my hand.  Mitchell has now come out with a HUGE tin foil baking tin. "Mom...what IS that?  Is it a chipmunk?"  I tell him--with most of my compassion now gone--that it's a mouse and he needs to put it in the tin and go dump it on the other side of the fence where Lucky can't reach it and who knows...maybe it will get better.  (uh huh..)
    
Well, I immediately go in and wash the sickness off my hands, then peer out the window to see where the undertakers have decided to lay the body.  Oh nice--that's a good choice, kids--right under the swing.   Oh well.  I call them in to get there backpacks since we were completely running late.  A few minutes later, Natalie and Mitchell have their stuff gathered and I ask, "Well, where's Camille?  We HAVE to go!"  Natalie looking out the window says, "Uh Mom....look I think she's kissing the mouse."  "PLEASE!" I yell.  "Say she isn't!"  Sure enough I look out and she has her face buried into her cupped hands--nuzzling away!


At full speed I run outside yelling, "CAMILLE!!!!!!!!!!" (to the delight, I am sure, of neighbor, Vallie, who is loading her one civilized child in the car) YOU WILL CATCH A DISEASE!!! PUT THE MOUSE DOWN!!  PUT IT DOWN CAMILLE!!!"  Gently she sets it back down in the mulch. By now of course she is crying and the binky's on the ground and (to my horror) four of her fingers are smooshed in her mouth. I pick her up and carry her sideways under my arm, yanking her hands out of her mouth while she's crying and yelling, "Don't carry me like an airplane!!!"  Inside, I wash her hands (twice) and her binky and hope for the best.


After the kids had left and things settled, I figured that this morning definitely fell into the category of "making a memory with your kids" so I went out and took a picture of the mouse--who, by the way, was still resting where Camille laid him.  I'd like to say I felt for the little guy, but the realization that he was one less rodent I'd have to catch in my kitchen this winter, gave me a twinge of heartless satisfaction   Heaven help him.


About an hour later Camille went out to "find" her mouse.  Try as she might--she couldn't.  I assured her that he was fine and happy and had just gone back to his family---the turkey vultures.

16 comments:

Brian & Audrey Victor said...

Oh, the fun things we get to deal with as moms! Gotta Love It!

brooke said...

oh man i am laughing out loud at work reading this story. i think i would vomit if i saw my kid smooching a nasty dead mouse! i thought you said you didn't mind touching nasty stuff. :)

Lauralee said...

that is disgusting.. sorry you had to touch it.. and so gross that camille kissed it.. disgusting!

jill said...

Hilarious!!! Nick has such a way of never being around when the good stuff happens, the stuff that would make him even more proud to call you his woman.

Gross!!

Anonymous said...

j-mark, i read this to honeybear and she broke out into a cold sweat and still hasn't let go of her head--still holding it with both hands.
Even on my second read through, I was LOL. Honestly. Not just SAC (smiling at computer) as most people do when they write "LOL."
Well-written, funny, disgusting, the photos a perfect complement to the story. This is one of my all-time favorite blog posts.

Anonymous said...

I just laughed so hard. I could picture the whole thing. POor you. The horror of her kissing a mouse, that will be a good story to tell her when she is older. FUNNY- thanks for a good laugh. Kel

Suzanne said...

Hands down, one of the BEST stories I have heard in a long time. Well done in your writing and pictures, I felt like I was there watching the whole thing! Too funny! -Suzanne

Jek said...

Sorry so sorry!! I hope you disinfected her hands and mouth over and over again.

Me said...

Stephanie Meyer better watch out. You could right one of the funniest books and about a mouse. I loved the story. It had me laughting/smiling the whole way through.

Missy :o) said...

OK, that was hilarious! I could picture the scene so well. I love the 'don't carry me like an airplane' line. Oh,they say some pretty funny things when we're mad. Thankfully, we can look back on these times and laugh. Thanks for the laugh today! :o)

Jayne Layne said...

Okay that is just awful! I could picture the whole thing so clearly. I still feel bad for the little rodent, but I feel more bad that Camille was consoling the thing! HOW SICK! I was laughing so hard, when she said don’t carry me like an airplane. Too funny!

Mitch said...

I'm with Jayne. The "don't carry me like an airplane" got me laughing pretty dang hard. The rest was awesome as well. That was just the highlight. Mouses are clean. No worries. Let her play with the neighborhood mice while she's young. That's what mom let me do; I turned out pretty awesome right? Alright, i gotta go. That huge rash i've had on my face since i was little is starting to puss and turn red. Mom, doesn't remember how i got it. I think it's just part of puberty.

Ann Marie said...

I think I would be laughing along with everyone else, but this week there has been stories with my kids EVERY single day, and I felt like.. " OH I know Jen's pain " Poor you..
What a day!
I'm glad you shared and blogged about it! :)

SaraBerry said...

Alivia was about 2 when she stuck her finger in the neighbor's dog's butt. I yelled, and her hand came out of the butt and right in her mouth! She survived, I barely survived. Just keep an eye on Camille, so if she starts growing a tail, or round furry ears, you can get her help, quick! Hang in there. That is a timeless story. Love ya!

Chris said...

Seriously? I could not even handle looking at the mouse or rat. Arghh! I am really proud of you. I think you should give Lucky a treat for protecting your family.

Ligia said...

SO funny! Atleast Camille is a friend to the animals, right?