Sunday, January 4, 2009

Back in the..

but resisting the ride.

I am a Cancer; I oppose change.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Coming and going has never been easy on me.  If I could keep Christmas up till Valentines (without a divorce) I'd do it.  If I could keep my kids young (with their baby teeth) I would.  If going back to college was a Greyhound ticket, I'd be ridin' that bus.  You get the picture....  

Maybe everyone feels this way, but I'm not sure.  I practically cling to the past and resist the next thing coming.  I don't know why.  Just the thought of the kids going back to school tomorrow gives me knots in my stomach.  Maybe I should interview myself.  

So Jen...what's your all time favorite song and why?

Oh for sure it's "This is the Day" by THE THE.  I love the sound of it but the lyrics are what appeal to me most, Jen.  They've haunted my thoughts for twenty years now. They basically summarize what I was talking about up there. I even named my blog after it. The part that really gets me and plays like a mantra in my mind is "all the money in the world couldn't buy back those days."  That idea really tortures me.  I guess I'm just one of those people who has a hard time moving on and letting go. Check out the lyrics.

Well you didn't wake up this morning
Because you didn't go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes
Turn red
The calendar, on your wall, is ticking the days off
You've been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world
Couldn't buy back those days.
You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes,
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.
This is the day -- Your life will surely change.
This is the day -- When things fall into place.
You could've done anything -- if you'd wanted
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky.
But the side of you they'll never see
Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like
Glue


Interesting Jen. So in keeping with your theme song, per say, let's just suppose for a moment, hypothetically of course, that all the money in the world could buy back some days for you. What days would you return to?

Wow Jen, that's a tough question... there have been so many good times. But without a doubt, I would go back to 1988-89 my Freshman year in college.  I don't think anything could compare to that year.  In reality I'd do the whole blissful five years of college over again--without thinking twice about it.  Sometimes I wonder if in the next life we'll have the ability to relive all our best memories--that'd be heaven to me.  That doesn't seem too probable though what with the sinning and all.....

Ha! Ha! Yeah Jen...I think you're really reaching on that one but who am I to say? Okay why don't we move on.  So with what you've explained here, one might conclude that you are sort of a miserable wretch who reminisces on previous events with little hope for a future that can never compare to a glorified past?

Whoa..that's a little harsh.  No, don't apologize, I can take it.  The mirror's a good thing, ya know?  But honestly, you may have me stumped here... can't say for sure. Maybe this is one for the readers...

12 comments:

partii said...

What you really mean is, maybe Nick will die a tragic death and you can go back to the "dating years" of your life.

seriously life begins at 40 and we're almost there baby!!

JENNIFRO said...

OUCH!!!!!!

P.S. You'll never convince me of anything with a cliche!

Ann Marie said...

Are we twins? Seriously. As I was reading it, I kept thinking this could be something I would write in my journal. My exact thoughts. I love The song, and lyrics, and that you named your blog from it.

The only thing not so twin-nish.. I don't want to live 88-89 over.. However.. I L♥ved the years after highschool 92-94!!
Great post Jen! Glad your back in the saddle!!

Anonymous said...

j-mark,
Miserable? You? I don't get that from this post (or your others). Lots of folks yearn for past times because they want to go back and undo something. That doesn't sound like you either. Sounds like you just would be willing to re-live a happy period once more. That's normal enough (I wouldn't mind doing the summer of 90 [or 92?] once or twice more...ahh, mine halcyon...)

The late 80's must have been great for you. Of course back then you only had yourself to worry about. The world was your oyster. Now you've got 11 adorable kids and the most handsome husband east of the Mississippi to take care of. You prolly only get a few moments per day to yourself. I get it. But it hardly makes you a miserable wretch. So I say yearn on!

p.s. I thought about writing this comment using only song lyrics from 1989, but I've only had one double espresso so far and my mind just ain't up to it...

jill said...

I love the lyrics to that song! It COMPLETELY describes you!!

I really like what "anonymous" said.

I see it as longing for our childhood/innocence even ignorance in a sense. Before the stakes became so high (spouse, kids, world around you). Who doesn't understand wanting to escape to the ease and fun of youth?

Anonymous said...

If only we could all go back and live some of the good years again. Not to say I'm not having good times now, but they are a lot more stressful and so much responsibility. It was fun having nothing in the world to care about but yourself, which is why I encourage all young people to really enjoy it while thay have it. Nothing can prepare you for the responsibility of being of wife and mother. My Mom never told me it was going to be hard like this. They made it seem pretty easy. KEl
I also agree with Jill and anon.

Mitch said...

I smell a serious mid-life crisis comin on. Nick, if this happens, i have some really easy college girls i could set you up with. I got your back homie. Jenn, I feel for you though. I'm the exact same way.

Suzanne said...

My husband is a cancer and he is very reluctant to change too. So I can understand where you are coming from from my experiences with him. However, may I suggest that the older and more experiences you get, your progression is a beautiful thing to watch. From what I have seen, you had an amazing college years from all the pictures on facebook. I have no idea of what your life was really like then, but from the way I see it from my screen, you have a beautiful life NOW. Have you seen Kung Fu Panda yet? You know the Master turtle, I don't know how to spell his name but my favorite line in the whole movie (well that would be a lie because I can't help but roll with laughter when See fu yells at Po for washing his pits in the Sacred Pool of tears), BUT he says, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. TODAY is a gift and that is why it's called the present."
Maybe I am gabbing on about something that you are thinking that I have no idea about. and you are probably right. However, I embrace change-good or bad- because it means that I am progressing and that is the whole reason I am here on this earth. I love your guts ladie and if you are sad, then I send you my happy vibes and a gift, you are so magnificent when you change and progress. -Suzanne

Anonymous said...

Well, I've actually had this sort of thing going on in my mind lately (and guess what, I'm a Cancer, too) I even wrote a letter to my Past. It's harder still when your Past reaches out to you. I guess I'm still not over it.

The older my kids get and the more stretching they have to do, the more content I think I would be to revisit some of those earlier years and make the most of them.

eggy said...

Hmmm. Your post makes me think of a lot of things, but only have time to write about two... I think there are two seperate issues going on here! Opposing change and longing for the old days. The problem with change is a very easy fix. Buy the book "Who Moved my Cheese?" by Spencer Johnson, MD. After you read it, you will have a much better time dealing with change.

Now, the old days. I don't think you would be normal if you didn't think back to a period in your life and wish you could relive it all over again. I know I do and if anyone tells you they don't, then they are liars!

Think about it...88-89 is the first year you left the home nest in fabulous Las Vegas... you gained your independence and were off to a new environment, new school and a whole new experience. If that's not change, then what the heck is?

My college years were definitely the greatest time of my life. But, I can guarantee at the time, I probably would have said something like, "I can't wait to get out of here and make some money." For me, it was a fun time, but I can remember having major money issues! How am I going to pay the rent, where is my next meal coming from? Will Nick buy the corn and bacon for the skillet this time? But, then I think...that was part of the fun! Trying to figure out if I could live on a dozen winchell's donuts a whole day OR figuring out something fun to do with little or no money. I even donated my plasma for an entire year!

These responsibilities pale in comparison to what we have now. Mortgage, car pymts., school, kids, etc. etc. Back then, we could have lived off of $500 a month. That's awesome! And...you could take off any dang time you wanted without finding a babysitter or worrying about anyone but your own self!

I think what happens is that a person looks to the future as an event that must be accomplished. First, get through College...Second, find a spouse, get a job and make some money, third, buy a house, fourth, have some kids, fifth, raise the kids. There comes a point where you have pretty much tackled everything you set out to do, you've got all that you wanted...and then you look back and want to start all over again!

There is a bliss to being only responsible to yourself and there is a bliss to looking at the future with 20 year old eyes!

Steve and Dayna said...

I have to tell you that this post depicts me to a T!!!! I was laughing so hard at the idea of heaven part because I have even mentioned that to Steve. It is so hard to let go of such awesome memories and sad to think that we can never relive them!!! (or maybe we can....). I get seriously sad sometimes with change and letting go.. I think the one exception is having this baby-- although I am sure once I have it there will be days where I'll miss our childless lives. Any way, loved this post.

Rebecca said...

Love the interview. Clever,clever.