Little Daddy

Someone recently found these of my dad as a little lad.  Definitely worth a post!

Curls AND teeth. Thanks Pa!

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Be Still

Someday I will be old and near-blind and I will scroll through this blog to reminisce. This photo will remind me of one moment in time I never want to forget.  All I will need to do is plug this song into my ears and I will be transported to the very essence of this memory.  It was one of those poignant times where I was filled with so much love and gratitude for all of life's goodness and blessings, which seems ironic considering we were driving to the burial site of our dear cousin, Matt.  

It was in this space of sadness and grief that I was given this incredible glimpse of how great God truly is to give us families and the hope of a better world to come.  With four of my five siblings, I drove through the deserts of Southern Utah with music blaring and the wind in our hair--lost in our thoughts, the sights and the serenity of experiencing both the nearness of death and the absolute richness of life. Opposition in all things.  When "Be Still" came on, we too grew still and listened with a collective intensity, sharing the same thoughts and feelings as the lyrics swelled our hearts and seemed to capture the very spirit of Matt's life. We took turns reminiscing and expressing our love and appreciation for him and the gift we had been given to feel him so near through the message and mood of that song. 

Be still

And go on to bed
Nobody knows what lies ahead
And life is short
To say the least
We're in the belly of the beast

Be still
Wild and young
Long may your innocence reign
Like shells on the shore
And may your limits be unknown
And may your efforts be your own
If you ever feel you can't take it anymore

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor 'til the work is done

Be still
One day you'll leave
Fearlessness on your sleeve
When you've come back, tell me what did you see
What did you see?
Was there something out there for me?

Be still
Close your eyes
Soon enough you'll be on your own
Steady and straight
And if they drag you through the mud
It doesn't change what's in your blood
(Over rock, over chain, over trap, over plain)
When they knock you down

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Be still
Be still
Be still
Be still

Over rock and chain
Over sunset plain
Over trap and snare
When you're in too deep
In your wildest dream
In your made up scheme
When they knock you down
When they knock you down

Don't break character
You've got so much heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Oh rise up like the sun and
Labor 'til the work is done
Rise up like the sun and 
Labor 'til the work is 
Rise up like the sun and 
Labor 'til the work is done

(Be Still / The Killers)

A Very Significant Sadness 

My heart aches at the news that my darling cousin, Matt, has passed away.  

Such a dear and precious person.  

Matt, I will miss your full and ready smile, your strong wiry hugs, your signature voice and sound and your never-ending patience and love for the rest of us. We, who could never really understand what it meant to live in perpetual silence.  

I think of the words to "Starry, Starry Night" about Vincent Van Gogh and they achingly remind me of you:

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life, as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one 

As beautiful as you

Rest peacefully sweet cousin-- until we meet again. XO

Happy Birthday Baby Blue-eyes

 

Fifteen years old for this incredible child of mine!  Natalie is wise beyond her years, competent, kind and and quickly becoming one of my very best friends.  A special birthday for a most remarkable girl! 

What Matters Most 

 Valentines breakfast with my little loves. 

The Chilly Big Apple 

 It was a fun few days away for Camille, Lulu and their daddies.  It was nonstop and not even the cold weather could stop them from making the most of their big city adventure! 

 A Balmy Thanksgiving

We decided to switch it up in a big way this year and headed to California to see the amazing Sedgwick family.  This is part of our family that we just don't get to see enough and so we decided to change that this year!  We had such a fun time staying with them and watching the kids become better friends.  Thanksgiving day was so enjoyable spending time cooking, listening to music and enjoying the traditional feast together.  Once the holiday wrapped up we headed to Knott's Berry Farm to kick off Christmas.  It was so festive and fun--lots of holiday shows and time well spent together.  So glad we made the time to change things up and spend a week in sunny California with people we love. 

Seasonal Snaps

Why the long face?

MHF audition

Edgy

Aw, Mama!

This calls for a selfie

We Bad A

Dummy!

Disgruntled DJ

I smell a newborn

Seasonal stunner

All fun and games till someone got faint

Buffalo baubles

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

This one felt a little like going through the motions--as is evident by the oldest two (& me) protesting the get-up.  Thanks to A & E for keeping our traditions alive!  Bring on Christmas!

STEP RIGHT UP!

I was five minutes away from canceling this shoot with Blue Lily because a day before I hadn't even figured out what we would wear.  Then I decided Nick and I wouldn't be in them--his hair was too long and I had nothing to wear.  Anyway, glad I didn't wuss out and decided to step right up!  I think they turned out great.  Last minute we decided to head over to the Haunted Forest for some spooky circus theme fun--happy that we did!  That unexpected turn made for our favorite photos of all!  

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