Thursday, October 2, 2008

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.
or
Sex talk update


So, did we drop the bomb on Nicholas yet?  Of course not.  And now I'm being punished for it.    The night before last at bedtime, as I was quickly swinging Natalie's door closed--doing my best to avoid the usual onslaught of last minute questions--she sprung one on me.  

"Mom, I have a question." 

(of course you do)

"Okay Nat, let's make it quick okay?"

"So..someday when I'm like really old like almost old enough to get married and I kiss a boy, will that make me pregnant?"

(are you kidding me?!)

"Um, no.  You can't get pregnant by kissing a boy."  (slowly, slyly closing the door)

"Okay. Then can you just tell me how you have a baby real quick?  I mean cause I am just like so interested in this.  I'm like just so interested." (in her best valley girl)

"Well, actually that's kind of a long talk and Daddy should be here for that talk, and plus it's already late right now."

"Okay then can you tell me at piano in the morning during Nicholas's lesson?"

(Oh...what a perfect idea!) 

"Uh, probably not at piano, but soon.  We'll talk about that soon."

I am more than stunned--I guess for all of my worldliness I am a bit naive about all this. She's in third grade!  Then again, I guess I knew more than my fair share at age seven thanks to the crazy kid-tramps across the street, Angie and Sharon, they filled me in on lots of ugliness.....
I obviously know now that there is no escaping this talk--and now it will be a two for one sort of deal.  Separate, of course, I'm not that stupid.

So the next morning pre-piano she comes in the kitchen.   Mind you it's early like 7:00 a.m. and I'm still mean.

"So mom.  Can you tell me now?"

(Seriously!? I'm making lunches here...)

"Natalie, remember I said Dad has to talk with us and he's not here."  Also, it's a pretty private conversation and we shouldn't have it at piano on Mrs. Wernly's couch."

"Mom I just want to know where the baby comes from.  I don't understand why it's private--I mean it's not like I came out of your wee-wee or something."

(Ahhhh, but you did!)  PAUSE............................ I make a very bold move.

"Well, actually you did."

Head spin--saucer eyes--chin drop.  "No I didn't."

"Yes, you did.  So that's why we'll talk about it later.  It's a long, private talk."

"Oh, mom that is SICK!  I'm never having kids."


Sick is right!  Just wait till you hear the rest, Sugar.

25 comments:

Lauralee said...

oh my heck! I am laughing so hard right now.. yep, just wait till she hears the rest.. too funny! good luck with that.. oh the joys!

Christian said...

Oh that is one for the ages. Oh man... I am seriously glad you're giving me plenty of time to know how to do it...

browneyedgirl said...

You'd better not wait much longer for the talks or your third wil have grown up and start asking questions! :)

CrazeeAngee said...

Pam and Stan just bought a book called "the American Girl" for Olivia to have....the talk. Check that one out. Add it to your collection of sex books, oops,... I mean your sex talk books. Silly me!!

Jayne Layne said...

Oh that is so funny! She must have heard something at school for her to inquire so much all of a sudden.

That is hilarious. Good luck sis. If you want me on the phone to help with anything just let me know...

Me said...

Wow! Third grade is only a year away for me and I am no where near ready for 'the talk.' I'm sure that kids pick up on this from the wanna be cool kids at school that like to ruin the last bit of innocence our kids have.

You'll have to keep us updated when you do sit down with your kids cause any info is likely to help me!

The Bobos said...

That is hysterical, Jen. I asked my mom when I first started asking these sorts of questions and apparently, I asked when I was about 4 and she told me the truth. She even brought out an encyclopedia of the human body and showed me pictures. And then a few years later, I told Keri what I knew while waiting in line at a store and she burst into tears. I honestly do not remember ANY of this but my mom loves to tell this story, especially at parties. (You'll have to ask her to tell it...it's quite funny)

jill said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! That's hilarious! Don't give her the whole story, seriously, she'll freak out! Good luck to you!

Ann Marie said...

LOL! Amen to what Jill said.
Glad your first to help us all that follow. I think I will take the advice of your friend and do the American Girl book. My daughter loves them, and I'm sre it's tasteful. Goodluck! :)

up in bubbles said...

Why not give the whole schpeel this Monday evening during FHE. You are always interested in a good lesson.

Jek said...

HOw about show and tell. Just kidding that is sick. Poor you. How can your kids be this old already. Off the bed you ask? I think I am already getting bedsores. MY BODY is aching so bad.

Suzanne said...

And this is what you get when you didn't talk to your son in the first place!! Now they will All start asking questions! Yeah, you need to have the talk with both and them and really soon! They are curious and will start looking elsewhere if you do not answer their questions. -Suzanne

Elisa said...

It is so sweet that she asked you. That shows a lot of confidence on her part. I would hear things from friends and just try and figure it out in my own mind (thank heavens we didn't have internet at that time). Actually, thinking about it, I believe you are right, you'd better get on those talks!

Mitch said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA!! That was pretty freakin awesome.I was having a bad morning up until i read that. Gratzi Sister. I don't even have anything to reply. I'm speechless. I don't think she really needs to know it all either right now. Keep it from her a little while longer.

Tiff said...

That is so funny. I think you can figure out how to answer her questions without telling too much--Just a partial enlightenment. It's better to learn things step by step anyway. For example, I remember knowing about periods, and how babies got out of mom's tummy before I knew everything.

JENNIFRO said...

Thank you friends! ; ) all good advice!

everything pink said...

fab photo.
i hope you post about your day today, in case we don't make it tomorrow

Autumn said...

too funny~I will be having this talk soon at my house also! I'm right there with ya!

SaraBerry said...

I can't quit laughing! I must say that I kind of know how you feel. Good luck with EVERYTHING! Love Ya!

everything pink said...

made it to waterford today, oh my!!! amazing

Becky and Garrett said...

okay... hilarious! im curious to see how the rest of the conversation goes!

Robert said...

I was going to suggest an FHE lesson as well, but Johnny beat me to the punch. I think the dominoes are going to start falling pretty quickly. In fact, I think I overhead Camille asking Caroline about being "pregnant" the other day. Maybe she said "present", but what with everything going on in your household these days, how can I be sure?

JenAve said...

This is great! I can't wait for the new update. Good luck.

Rebecca said...

You have made my week! I'm forwarding this to so many people. How adorable is that? Just precious.

Missy :o) said...

oh, that is hilarious! seriously! Can't wait to hear how the rest of your 'talk' goes! good luck!