Jennifro

Not now, 

I'm thinking.

I've had a lot on my mind recently.  So much, in fact, that I've pretty much sat my lazy butt in the red chair (you know the one) full-time since the beach.  I have accomplished absolutely nothing this past month, but at the same time, I have been thinking and sometimes that is work.  I have pretty much cast my to do lists aside, and just thought about my life for a straight four weeks. Throughout this time, I have come to realize that, although it's made me feel like a waste-oid to a certain degree, it's been great to stop and give myself time to evaluate and ponder my life and refocus my mind and priorities.

For starters, when you stay at home, it's easy to feel directionless on occasion.  At least that's been true for me.  One of my best friends said the other day, "Now that I'm nearly 40 I think I'm finally realizing that being happy is up to me.  I'm not going to be a movie star.  I need to learn to be content in my own life."  I know I've felt like this before.

In my case, I keep track of myself and sort of gauge my "daily worth"  by the things I accomplish like house & work projects, church assignments, cooking dinners or whatnot.  So when I don't feel inspired by these things I feel a bit lost and stagnant.  However, when you honestly cannot push yourself to do them sometimes---it's hard to get out of the loser mode...make sense? So, some of what I've been thinking about is how to be happy and fulfilled at the core. When you tire of life's routines, how do you remain satisfied? I won't claim to be profound, but here are a few things I have learned and know are true--for me, anyway.

Remember Who You Are

Haven't we all heard this in one context or another?  Well, I am talking about it in terms of your authentic self.  What do you love?  What makes you laugh?  What excites you?  What makes you feel attractive? What did you used to want your life to look like? I have been revisiting some of these things this past year and they have brought me great satisfaction.  

One day last fall I woke up and realized that I had completely given up on music.  I used to LOVE my music.  So, I got an ipod and started downloading new things I thought I might like. By doing this, I have literally recharged parts of myself and found new music that makes me happy.  I have felt like the old me in so many ways--the part that was energetic, youthful and liked to dance.  I've even gone to two concerts, Depeche Mode (old favorite) and Coldplay (new favorite).  It was a simple change but has given me a lot of great moments. 

Also, I stretched myself, and started a little side business.  It hasn't made me a load of cash, but it's given me something to do out of the ordinary.  It's caused me to make new friends, use skills I haven't used in ages, and get out of dodge and drive the country roads to Leesburg every other week (that in itself has been wonderful).

Make Connections.

I am right in the middle of this.  I love people and being social but am also a major homebody. When I'm not balanced in this area, I feel like something's missing.  It's so important to connect with people and I've recently seen the rewards of doing this, more than ever before.  A year ago a friend of mine told me I should start a blog and the idea stuck--I think at some level I knew it would really enhance my life...and it has.  Making regular contact with my family, dear childhood friends, new friends, and even friends in my neighborhood, has given me so much joy and spontaneous chuckles. I think it is in our nature to get personal and interact; I am feeling so blessed by these re-kindled relationships. 

Also, taking the time to talk.  I can't believe how good I feel when I take time to have meaningful conversations; it's so beneficial.  When you have kids in your face all the time it's easy to never get beyond..."so what size diapers is she wearing now?"  But, for me, the value of a good conversation where you listen and are listened to, is incomparable.  I am making the time to do this more.

Get Grounded and Stay Grounded

So this is the reason I've been on the chair.  I can do the things I mentioned above and zillions of others, but if my priorities and perspective are out of wack, nothing will ever align.  When I am feeling dissatisfied and restless, I know I need to analyze my life and make the changes that will bring deep happiness and peace of mind.  I've learned this lesson before, and know that when I am discontent, I am lacking spiritual consistency.  A relationship with God has to be worked on daily with genuine sincerity.  Going through the motions without true introspection and dedicated commitment, gets me nowhere.  "When it's time to change, you've got to rearrange who you are and what you want to be!"  (The Brady Bunch)

I'm just glad to know this about myself and realize it's all good if I want it to be.  

It's a new school year and a new start.  Good luck to us all.