Jennifro

This is dedicated to Nick, 

an Aries*

I don't read many self help books, never really have, but I've wanted to read this one for a long time, ever since a good friend raved about it.  I finished it today, and thought it was fantastic.  I know I'm sort of an idealist, but I would imagine that most marriages could be repaired and/or seriously improved by reading this book and putting into practice the things he says to do. 

Dr. Chapman's conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages--or five ways that people communicate and understand emotional love.  He says,"your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.  No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other." He stresses that we have to be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we want to be effective communicators of love, and have a fulfilling relationship.  Once we identify what that is, he believes we will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage.  The five love languages are:

•Words of Affirmation

•Quality Time

•Receiving Gifts

•Acts of Service

•Physical Touch

Click here to see a brief summary of the five love languages.

I think what he concludes is simple, brilliant and true.  I also like the fact that it causes you to analyze yourself and your spouse (and others...) which is always interesting to me.  Most of what he says in this book, Nick and I have already figured out through trial and error over the past fifteen years but to read it in such plain terms was really enjoyable.  I know that in my case, my primary language is "quality time"  with "words of affirmation" and "acts of service" close at it's heels (I require A LOT!).

I remember one night probably a year or so into our marriage--I wanted to talk to Nick about astrological signs and how interesting I think they are--in relation to how people act and what makes them tick.. yadda yadda.  Anyway, for those of you who know Nick, know that he would find more enjoyment plucking his nose hairs out than analyzing something like this.  And to really make it fun, I was attempting to keep him awake in bed at 1:00 a.m. to go into depth on the subject.  As you might guess, I took it quite personally when he said with closed eyes and barely above a whisper, "can we talk about this later when I'm not so tired?"  I of course, flipped and said he never wanted to talk to me or take time to discuss things--and so a pointless middle-of-the-night-fight ensued that got us nowhere.  I still find this experience super funny when I think about it because in my attempt to get "quality time" I totally sabotaged myself (and really confused him!).  Anyway, I was young and stupid and hadn't figured much out at that point.  

But I will say that over the years we have definitely learned how to make each other happy by speaking each others "love language" and I think we have a great marriage because of it.  This book is thought provoking, insightful and has a lot of great examples of real couples turning their troubles around.  I think it's well worth reading and is a great one to pass along to newlyweds or anyone for that matter.

So...what's your love language?

*click here